Are You Kidding Me?
I cannot believe that DJ and I have had another diaper changing disaster.
Of course, just like the first time, we were in a restaurant men’s room and Lynn was not with us.
Let Me Start at the Beginning
Lynn and her girlfriends had planned a whole afternoon and evening of events for Lynn’s bachelorette party.
Since they had decided to start at the house, Daniel and I had to find something to do away from home.
My friend Michael’s wife, Anya was joining Lynn. Our sister-in-law, Erika was here as well, so we had one of her girls, Juliet spending the afternoon with DJ, Michael and me.
The Diaper Bag
The night before, Lynn and I did some running around, so I had packed the diaper bag with about six or seven diapers.
When it came time to pack for the evening, I didn’t add any diapers to the bag, since I was sure that I had plenty.
We were planning on being out for at least six hours, so I filled up the formula holder and I prepped a bottle with baby water. I also brought two extra bottles of water.
I had a change of clothes, a spit cloth, two blankets, toys, etc. I was ready or so I thought!
Away We Go!!!
By this point the ladies were getting into party mode.
The girls were getting massages, starting to drink tequila shots and decorating drawings of large male private parts. I figured it was time to get the twelve year old out of there.
We felt, that since it was pretty hot out, that we would go and see a movie. Michael and I decided that, “Kubo and the Two Strings” was probably the best option for Juliet and something, which we adults would be likely to enjoy, as well.
Lynn and I took Daniel with us to see, “Ghost Busters” and we have taken him to a couple of outdoor concerts, so I didn’t think twice about bringing him to another movie theater.
The Fun Begins
Once we found our seats and the previews began, I started to think, “It is pretty loud in this theater.” That is saying something, since I was a rock and roll concert promoter, band manager and a night club disc jockey. Loud was my thing!
DJ seemed to be fine with the volume in the beginning, but then either the imagery on screen or the volume started to unsettle him.
First Juliet and I decided that we should get a bottle ready and try to feed him to see if that is what he was fussing about. That didn’t work.
Since there was a couple sitting right in front of us, I decided to move DJ away from everyone else in the theater. That didn’t work either.
I went back to our seat and grabbed the diaper bag thinking, maybe he needs to be changed.
No Changing Table at the Movies
I took DJ out of the theater and was immediately greeted by a theater employee who said, “There are stairs around the corner if you need to change the baby.”
I asked, “Oh, is there a bathroom upstairs?”
“No,” he replied, “Some people just change their babies on the stairs.”
I thought, “Ewe!” and asked “Is there a changing table in the men’s room?”
He didn’t know, so I decided that we would find out.
To my surprise, there was no changing table in the men’s room. However, there was a lot of counter space, which I wiped dry before I set down the changing pad.
I was able to change DJ quickly. It seemed to make him happy, so we returned to the theater.
A quick note: I have noticed that there is a little gender bias in the changing table department. On more than one occasion, I have found that there is a changing table in the lady’s room, but not the men’s. Just sayin’.
Back in the Saddle Again
DJ and I were seated for a few moments when he started reacting to either the volume or the images on screen, again.
Like before, I moved to the end of the isle away from the other theater goers, but Daniel began to cry. Since it has bugged me in the past when a parent has refused to take their crying baby out of the theater, DJ and I headed back to the lobby.
After a moment, he settled down, so we ventured back into the hallway of the theater where the volume was lower and where I could see the screen.
As Danny Boy and I watched the rest of the film from the hallway, all I could think was “Thank God this isn’t a Scorsese film or I’d be standing here for another hour or so!!!
A quick not about “Kubo and the Two Strings” Obviously, the movie was pretty good, since I kept trying to get back in to see more of it. I enjoyed the story, although it was predictable and I thought that the animation was nicely done.
Off to Dinner
Whenever I get a chance to dine out without Lynn, I like to go to places that are not among her favorites. On this particular evening, I chose The Old Spaghetti Factory in Rancho Cucamonga.
We were seated and ordered our meals fairly quickly. Juliet and I fed DJ while we were waiting for dinner. Once our meals arrived we traded DJ off until we were mostly finished with our dinners.
At this point, it became clear that DJ needed a diaper change. I grabbed Daniel and the diaper bag and proceeded to the front of the restaurant.
Diaper Changing Disaster, The Sequel
I was actually excited to find a changing table in the handicapped stall. (Sometimes I am amazed at the things which I get excited about now that I have a baby!)
I lowered the changing table, put down the changing pad, took out a fresh diaper, placed it under DJ and proceeded to open his dirty diaper.
Let me tell you, I can’t remember ever seeing that much poop in my life. This was the mother of all poopy diapers. I thought, “What on Earth is your mother feeding you!”
I ripped open the baby wipe holder and went to work. OMG, there was baby poop everywhere!
I seriously used seven or eight wipes when I decided to wrap them up in the dirty diaper.
As soon as I pulled away, he went again. So, the new diaper was now a poopy diaper.
I took out more wipes and went back to work, with sweat beginning to bead up on my forehead.
I wrapped up the second diaper full of poop and wipes and reached into the bag for another diaper (remember last night I had packed six or seven) and to my surprise, I could not find another diaper.
I took everything out of the bag and still, no diaper.
Now it is Time to Panic
I was standing all alone in the handicapped stall of the men’s room in the Old Spaghetti Factory with a baby who needs a diaper.
I can’t leave DJ, so I waited for someone to come in. Seriously, no one came into the bathroom in a busy restaurant on a Saturday night.
I started to pray or send a telepathic message; “Please, Michael come looking for me, since I have been gone for a while now.”
After standing there panicking for a few moments I finally decided that I have to let DJ go commando and hope that I can find someone with an extra size two diaper.
I grabbed DJ and the diaper bag as I started back to our table, searching for someone who might have a diaper.
Are You Kidding Me?
As I made my way through restaurant, I noticed that many people were looking at me.
I was not surprised, because I am certain that I looked like a frantic mess.
When I got to our table in the cable car, I realized that DJ had peed all over me and that I may have left a trail of drops throughout the restaurant.
I said to Michael and Juliet, “We have to go, NOW!”
I didn’t want to put DJ down and expose my pee soaked shirt. So, I stood there just waiting.
Juliet started looking for and suggesting families, which might have a spare diaper.
I’m like, “That baby is walking, his diaper will be too big.” “That baby is way too small!” There I was quickly turning into the diaper version of Goldilocks.
We finally got the waiter’s attention and prepared for a hasty departure.
Exit Stage Left
At this point, I can’t get out of there fast enough. I put Daniel into his car seat and carried it in front of me.
As we exit the building, Juliet asked, “Where is the changing pad.” I said, “I must have dropped it, can you go into the restaurant and see if you can find it? Check with the hostess, too.”
I wasn’t going back in there with pee dripping off of me, so I asked Michael to go back into the men’s room and see if he could find it in there, which he did. In my haste, I had left it on the changing table.
In the Car
We are still fifteen minutes from home! I have a baby, who was recently fed, going commando in the back seat.
Since I have a baby on board, I must drive swiftly, but safely.
We made it home without further incident. However, I had to explain to the ladies, who were just about ready to leave for their night out, why my shirt was soaked and why the baby was not wearing a diaper!
One more round of hazing for the First Time Dad at 52.
I never thought I could top our first diaper change disaster, but I think we did.