Have you ever had a diaper change disaster?
Well, that is a bit of an over statement, but let me tell you a funny little story about my diaper change disaster.
Just the other day I was out to lunch with a friend who wanted to meet and spend some time with DJ.
Danny Boy was sleeping in his carrier, so I set the carrier on the table and we ate our lunch and chatted about old times and my lack of sleep.
Finally, it came time to hand DJ over to my friend, Audrey. Audrey is a mother of three boys who are all adults now. She ran a child care in her home for many years, so she is great with children.
As soon as I handed DJ to her, she said, “He is very wet …. all the way up his back”
It was a bit hot outside and warm in the restaurant, so I said, “Perhaps, he is sweating?”
“No!” she said, “This is all from his diaper.”
I hope this isn’t the poopy diaper we’ve been expecting!
I am certain that the look of terror came across my face. Over the past few weeks, Daniel has been pooping only once every three to five days. However, once he gets going, he becomes Sir Poops-a-lot and he goes several times over a short period of time.
In my mind, I could only imagine that he had wet slimy poop all over his back and a very full and very wet diaper.
I set down my burrito, grabbed the diaper bag and my three month old son and made a break for the bathroom.
The young man who had been attending to our table, appropriately named Danny and a new father himself, buzzed me into the bathrooms.
When I got to the men’s room door, I found that it was occupied. I stood there, with a very wet and squiggly baby boy, trying my best to look cool.
When the door opened, an older gentleman in a cowboy hat exited, looked at me and then back into the restroom and said, “Do you need help?”
I thought for a second and said, “No, thank you!” and proceeded into the relatively clean restroom.
What, no changing table?
Now to my horror, I discovered that not only was there no changing table, there was not a flat surface big enough to change a baby anywhere in this restroom.
As panic set in, I began to remove DJ’s diaper while holding him with one arm.
This was awkward at best, since Daniel kept squirming and grunting as I was losing my grip of him with my right and the partially removed diaper with my left.
As Daniel slipped down my right side, the very wet, non-poopy (Thank God) diaper came off in my left hand.
Of course, Daniel started to pee! So, I pointed him in the general direction of the toilet.
At this point, I remembered that we had a changing pad in the diaper bag. Not that I had ever used it before.
Next thing I know, I was kneeling on the floor with 15 or 20 baby wipes (three or four, really) trying to wipe off the pee all over DJ.
I finally got him cleaned up and his diaper on when I realized, I need to get this very pee soaked onesie over his head.
Typically, Lynn handles dressing DJ, mostly because I am afraid of breaking him.
I tried various positions to ensure that Danny Boy wasn’t going to get a face full of pee soaked clothing.
Can I just get a moment here?
Finally I have most of the onesie up around DJ’s neck, when I get a phone call. I have been expecting an important call, so I answered my phone.
It was a head hunter looking to recruit me to join his company, so I said, “Listen, I am on the floor of a men’s bathroom in a diner trying to change my baby boy who is covered in pee, can we chat in a hour or so?”
To my surprise he said, “I have been there myself, I will call you in a little bit!”
OMG, you mean to tell me that this happens all the time???
Back to the mess I am in on the floor. I finally get DJ to sit still long enough to get the onesie over his head without hurting him and without giving him a face full of pee.
Now, I have to give him another baby wipe sponge bath.
I say to myself, “I am sure that Lynn keeps a change of clothes in the diaper bag … let me look. Okay, a very cute onesie is in the bag.”
I’ll be right out!
At this point, someone is knocking on the door. I have an undressed baby on the floor, pee all around the toilet and I have recently discovered, on my shirt, as well!
I tried to pull the new onesie over DJ’s head, which wasn’t going so well. So, I decided, to clean up the mess we had made and that I would dress him at the table.
I cleaned the bathroom … cleaner than it was when I found it, thoroughly washed my hands and shirt, picked up DJ and then with one hand, tried to wrap the pee soaked onesie inside of the changing pad. This should be an Olympic event!!!
Finally, I pulled myself together, picked up the diaper bag and exited the men’s restroom with a half naked baby.
As I was walking back to the table, it seemed that every woman in the restaurant knew exactly what I had just been through. Lot’s of smiles and pointing at the half naked baby and his disheveled dad.
When I got back to the table, I said to Audrey, “I need your help!”
She sprang into action and the two of us were able to get DJ dressed.
Daniel spent a little time with Audrey and before I knew it, he was ready to take a nap as if we hadn’t just survived a diaper changing disaster.
By Bill Robertson